Philosophers have been struggling to find an adequate characterization of love for thousands of years. Love is a complicated subject. It is fluid and changes over time as a relationship ages. What is love to one individual is not to another. Is like a feeling or an experiencing?
Is love a more cognitive concept; such as a choice? What is the difference between ability to hear “I like you” and “I love you”? A few years ago I discovered an article* on the triangle of like. Sternberg argues that a take pleasure in relationship consists of three parts, namely: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
When a relationship will be based upon just one or two of these components any love relationship takes on a unique character. A relationship established only on intimacy, for instance, is no more than just liking a person. Similarly, when a relationship is only based on passion their bond is infatuation.
May I be so dazzling as to suggest that Sternberg’s unit lacks an element of love that i believe is as important as the other three. Which usually element of love is relational safety. Relational safety is related to how safe each partner feels in the relationship. This elements asks the following problems. Is it safe to tell most people my secrets?
When a relationship is only based on commitment all of us find empty love; all the couple is just living together. There can also be combinations of two elements in a absolutely adore relationship, such as, intimacy and passion resulting in romantic like. Other possible combinations happen to be between intimacy and dedication resulting in companionate love, and between commitment and appreciation resulting in fatuous love.
Regularly have a heart to help you heart talk with your spouse approximately these four elements of take pleasure in. Honestly inquire how dedicated you are. Measure emotional intimacy by how often you talk and about what most people talk. Flirt, play, and build the passion around you. Resolve to be a safe spouse. Relationships are all precisely how we relate. Do a great number of relating with your spouse the following week.
What’s very important is that most happy, healthy, and lasting family relationships contain all three worth mentioning elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Sternberg calls such love consummate love.
Can I really open up my heart in your direction? Will you still love me if you know who I truly is? Will you use your disclosure against me down the road? Will you laugh at me or joke at my expense if I tell you what I truly think? Is my middle safe in your hands? Do you keep my heart’s secrets safe?
It may be helpful to examine your relationship along these kind of four elements of love. Can be there one or more elements of love which might be not doing well in your relationship? Is your relationship balanced (regarding these elements)? Will there ever be any element that you may ought to work on? You may find it good for.
Without relational safety real emotional intimacy will never develop into a deep and rich experience. Marital love requires emotional intimacy, physical passion, commitment, and wellbeing for it to flourish and last.